October 12, 2012

Facebook friends………. I am overwhelmed with emotion at this email I’ve received….I know that it’s a long one, but please read. I asked the mom if I may post only because I know how the outpouring of love and support and mostly the prayers that the mother of the twins that I photographed in September, helped her. She said that she felt like God’s arms were wrapped around her. Please, please, please, this young mom needs your love and support. I only wish that I could be there for her to photograph every single detail 😦

“your pictures are so sweet, and your son is gorgeous. i am 8 months pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl..layla mae, and gabriel morgan.. due november 30th, but being taken by C-section around november 15th.. i find out next week what day for sure.. unfortunately in june we found out that our daughter has an extra chromosome 13, its called trisomy 13. unlike Ds, trisomy 13 is not compatible with life. at first they were unsure of what was wrong with her, they just knew her brain wasnt developing right and immediately they gave us the option to terminate. they said there was something they could inject her with to intervene and stop her heart because she might be fatal, or she might have special needs. i was shocked, i couldnt believe that something like that was even legal. i kept asking myself, do people really do that? we immediately told them NO, she was our daughter and we would give her ALL the chances you would give any “normal” baby. so for the first week, we thought that she just may have Ds or something similar and we were just as happy.. like i told the doctor, she is our daughter and nothing would change how we felt about her. well the next week the doctor called us back with the amneo results and it was positive for the trisomy 13. unfortunately she will only live a few days after birth. her brain is fused together instead of being separated down the middle and since its not developed right it wont be able to function properly. after birth her brain wont be able to tell her heart to keep beating.. im whats keeping her alive right now, and trust me if i could sacrifice my body and stay pregnant forever just to keep her alive i would. i guess my point of this message is that you have a beautiful little boy, and im glad you see him as a true blessing because thats absolutely what he is. your page makes me smile, and honestly brings me joy. : )

I live in upper Michigan, otherwise you would be the person i would contact for pictures! before i knew where you were from i planned on asking you actually.. just because i thought youd be perfect for it.. i actually first saw your page in september when you had posted about photographing twins, and one had passed away.. i commented on it, and i didnt know by doing that it would show up on the news feeds of others on my lists and everyone seen what i wrote.. i had multiple people send me msgs because at that time i hadn’t told that many people.. when people ask what im having and i say twins they ohh and ahh over it and up until now i just let it be at that but it hurts too much so im more upfront about it now. anyways about the pictures, the hospital has a professional photographer that they contact for certain situations free of charge.. i would like to capture as many memories as i can of the time i have with her. i need to buy a camera because i dont have one, and im going to ask them about the photographer theyre hiring.. like if i could talk to them myself to make clear what i want done ya know.

we found out we were pregnant, and at the first dr apt when they found the heartbeat it was most likely a girl.. then the next week we went to our first ultrasound and found out it was twins! most likely a boy and a girl, going off of the heartbeats : ) we were shocked to say the least but very excited.. thats double the blessing! there was NEVER one minute where we didnt want both of our babies.. we knew it would be tough, but we felt blessed to have the privilege of parenting twins. well we live in a small town so although we have a nice hospital, they have to send a lot of cases elsewhere for certain things, like twins. they send all twins pregnancies to green bay(which is 2 hours away) for testing and whatnot. sooo in the 2nd week of june we went to our apt in green bay, full of excitement.. they were going to be doing a 4-d ultrasound, where you can see the babys face n stuff.. plus wed be finding out what we were having for sure.. so we got there, and everything started out perfect. they asked us a bunch of routine questions and everything, then we moved onto my favorite part- the ultrasound : ) i couldnt wait to see them! he confirmed that it was a boy and a girl.. he continued to do the ultrasound.. and then told the nurse to get everything ready for amniocentesis.. i stopped him right there, i was like “umm WHY” and he put his hand on my arm and said “theres something wrong with your babys brain” .. my heart stopped and i asked him what do u mean theres something wrong with my babys brain!!?!? thats when he explained that the ultrasound shows that her brain is fused down the middle, instead of being separated like normal, and that he suspects she has a cleft lip.. and that he thinks she has a chromosomal disorder called trisomy 13.. thats when he first brought up the injection and i clearly stated that was NOT an option nor would it ever be.. he continued telling me that she might have “special needs” if she were to just have the brain fused together and not have the trisomy, and that if she does have trisomy 13 she wont live. i was hysterical, as was my bf.. they gave us only about 5 minutes for that to sink in before they did the amnio .. they did it on both babies. we left that clinic heartbroken.

i didnt know what to think, i didnt know what to do.. i was lost. he told us that trisomy 13 is completely random. its not because me n —- are a bad genetic mix, its not hereditary, its not environmental, nothing.. theres NO explanation for it. thats hard to take in. the week after that he called me with the positive test results, at which time he brought that injection up again! i told him that he was making me uncomfortable and to not bring it up anymore.. at that point i quit going to the doctor. i went months without going to the doctor because i couldnt handle what they told me when i did go.. i didnt wanna hear it. —– and i reprogrammed ourselves to believe that everything would be ok. that God performs miracles everyday and that he has the ability to fix her and that he will. i finally started going back to the doctors in late august.. both babies are growing great, last week i had the bio physical(idk if thats correct) ultrasound done (which they do every monday from this point until delivery) and both babies scored 100% on growth and movement.. they have been telling me that theyll schedule my c-section for 36 weeks, but now they want me to go until 38 weeks. i dont know how im going to pull this off! pre-baby im only 100lbs and im 5’5.. plus im a high risk pregnancy because of everything that happened during my first pregnancy(i almost died a couple times due to complications) .. i am terrified to say the least, and i dont ever remember being this scared for my other c-sections.. the first was emergency, the second was planned.. anyways the funeral home is absorbing all the cost, we’ll just have the cemetery/burial fees.

both my boys know that im pregnant with twins, and that their little sister wont be coming home. i explained it to them by asking “who takes care of you when youre sick?” they said “youand i said right, and who takes care of us all the time and the replied “God” and i said thats right.. and that layla is really sick and mama wont be able to take care of her and that god wants to take her so he can take care of her all himself. they kiss my belly and talk to them.. my oldest hugged my belly the other day and said “im going to miss you layla, youre my only baby sister” .. i didnt know how to respond, i just got down on my knees and hugged him.. the fatality rate for trisomy 13 is 100% and theres no explanation for it, its hard to handle. after a c-section you have to stay in the hospital 3 days and they say she will pass within those 3 days.. if she happens to survive a few days more they will house me, dad and gabriel(the boy) in the hospital until she passes. i found out wednesday that she may need a feeding tube in her nose or mouth due to the fact that she may have a cleft lip, and if they cant find a clear path for the tube we will have to be transferred to another hospital where they can surgically put one through her little belly.. also, as soon as shes born they will have her on palliative medication(what they give to cancer patients and whatnot when theyre getting close to the end to keep them comfortable).. im not happy about that, i really dont want her on morphine but apparently just being alive is going to be physically painful for her because since her brain isnt developed right, her nervous sytem wont work like yours and mine does. its a lot to take in, and its really hard.. ive never been so unprepared before, usually everythings ready for my baby by now but not this time.. and i realized its because only preparing for one and not the other is too painful and ive been procrastinating because of that.. i know thats not fair to gabriel so i have to start getting everything ready for him because its not too much longer and he’ll be here.

yes, you can share my story.. without names.. its extremely hard to tell, and i cry everytime i tell it… or even think about it. i cried writing all of that to you. people always ask me how i do it, and i tell them the truth. i have to. i have 2 little boys that need me, and another one on the way. i have no choice but to be strong, but when no ones looking its a different story. no parent should ever have to bury their child, i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. throughout this whole pregnancy ive felt sorry for myself, but in reality its layla thats suffering the most. shes an innocent babygirl, why doesnt she get a chance at life? what did she do? i wish everyday i could keep her inside me just to keep her little heart beating.. and i know this isnt even the hardest part. i know that when they come in and tell me its almost time, and i have to say goodbye to my sweet little angel.. that will be the hardest part. going on through life without her.. i will never get over it, it will never get easier. every evening we eat dinner together as a family, she will never be there. every family photo we have taken, she wont be in them.. and just like in those situations, there will always be something missing in my heart as well. its not fair. i get so angry.. theres so many people out there that dont want their children, that get rid of their children, that have abortions.. my kids are my life, so why me? i just dont understand. i dont get to pick out what she wears to her first day of kindergarten, i get to pick out what she wears to her funeral. thats not fair. i dont want pity.. i guess it just feels good to write it out.. as much as it hurts, it feels good. if that makes any sense. even if it ends in heartbreak, i will continue to believe that god can fix her if he hasnt yet.. i have to.. i have to believe in something, and my faith is whats gotten me this far.”



Since I received her email and posted it to my Facebook page, my fans all thought that “I” should be the one to go and take the photos for this family, so I set-up a donation page through paypal to raise the funds for a flight!!


We are well on our way friends to making this reality of me flying from my home in Texas all the way to the other side of the United States to capture the birth of these babies!! If you would like to help as well, the link to donate is below. Please know that any money that is donated that is above the amount needed for flight/hotel, will be given directly to these parents for burial/cremation costs if God decides that he needs his little angel.


When I asked the mom if she was all prepared at home, this was her response: “pretty much no, unfortunately… and im embarrassed and ashamed to admit that.. but like i explained, things are tough.. and everytime i would try to start to get things ready, i would break down. its hard to even think about preparing for one of my babies, and not the other. it hurts so much. i have a crib, and a few little outfits and sleepers for both of them.. some little socks.. thats about it. they tell me that she wont need anymore than an outfit or 2 and a special blanket.. thats difficult, theres no way i cant stop myself from thinking about her as i prepare for him. burp rags, blankets, clothes, bottles, diapers, pacifiers, i have none of that stuff.. im picking up our carseat this week or next, and my mom says shes going to get us a changing table.. its tough to try to get everything, when i have 2 little boys to take care of as well. plus bills.. i have never asked for help from anyone, thats not who i am ya know? but unfortunately were not a family with a lot of money or resources.”


For those of you who would like to donate items to the family, the post office here in my hometown has agreed to donate their services to collect them with no charge of a post office box. This will stay open until Nov. 13.  The address to send donations is: (must be marked as below)




All items donated, will be boxed up together and shipped up to the family. For those who have asked, her older two boys are 6 years old today (Oct.15) and 4 years old (Oct. 22)

Paypal link to donate to their fund is:


Since this story was posted on Facebook, the mom has since given birth to the babies………… Her water broke on Oct. 18 at 3AM. (Her due date was Nov.30)  She went to the hospital in her town, but was transferred an hour away due to them being so early. She gave birth to 2 beautiful babies. Sadly, the little girl Layla only lived for 5 hours before she received her angel wings. All of the family was there to hold her and love on her before she passed. The hospital contacted NILMDTS, but there was no one in their area that was able to come to take pictures for them, but the hospital did let them borrow a camera…:(( ………… Baby Gabriel is in the NICU. He only weighs 4lbs, so he will have to stay in the hospital for about a month or longer. Mom is so worried, because they live an hour away and they have no car.

The hospital has given them a place to stay when they come to visit, so that part will be covered, now we just have to get them back and forth!!!

Since the flight for me to take pictures of the babies when they were born wasn’t able to happen due to them coming so early, the donations that have been collected so far ($1400+  as of Oct.19),  would most definitely pay for a rental car……….  Why waste this gift money on a rental car when I know that we can pull together and get them a lasting gift of a car of their own!!!!!!


Sunday, Oct. 21

Mom was released today!!!


Can you please help?!?! They have been through sooo much already! They need a little bit of good!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support for this family!!



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